Re-shine
by chrisberries
Summary: He was 20, he graduated high school a year ago, and while his best friend had everything he had nothing / Kurtana, Klaine, Brittana
1. Chapter 1

sorry, Blaine appears later

* * *

CHAPTER 1

''What kind of words should I start the book with, to make people interested in?" he asked, looking at his companion, who definitely wasn't listening "Something mysterious or funny? A description or a dialogue?"

The girl turned the page of the book she was reading, her eyes were eating sentences, but her ears were completely turned off. She wasn't really interested.

"Santana!", the man thought she's going to ignore him one more time, but she sighed and rose her sight.

"It's your _book_" she said, putting strange accent on the word _book_. She was looking at him for a few seconds before coming back to reading.

"Why can't you help me?" he cried hopelessly, but he actually knew she's not going to help him. They have been sitting in this café for 2 hours, and she stopped listening an hour ago. You would say, it was supposed her to go, but she didn't "Please?"

The answer was – she loved him, and she would tolerate him forever. She was protective in good way, loyal and kind of patient, so she put the book away with sigh. Kurt rolled his eyes.

"I have no idea about writing" she said and took her coffee from the table "And I'm quite sure you don't have as well"

"Oh come on, everybody started _somewhere_" he said.

"Yeah, but I don't think you're _there _yet" she said with a smile "What's your main plot?"

He looked at her strangely, winked few times "I just don't understand" he moaned finally, ignoring the question "It shouldn't be _that_ hard"

"Why do you think that?"

"I read a lot of books, like _a lot._ I had written _stuff_ in high school. It should be easy, like telling a story"

"But you don't even have an idea" Santana said, and he made this strange sound "Maybe you just need some inspiration"

"Yes" he straightened up catching up an idea "That's what I'm looking for" he said and she wasn't sure if he was serious "Another one?" he asked pointing at empty cup.

"Yep"

Kurt pointed at a waiter. His mind was running through book problem. Did he want to write a book? Not exactly... He wanted to do something. Anything. He sighed. That was the biggest problem of his. To make something. To create something. To achieve anything.

He was 20, he graduated high school a year ago, and while Santana had _everything_ he had nothing.

The waiter came up and started to clean up the table, which was full of empty cups.

"What can I do for you?" he asked Santana, quite ignoring Kurt, what was quite normal.

"Just the same" she said with a smile, and waiter's response was a bit too confident. He looked at her peculiary and turned around. She was watching him as he was going.

"How is work?" Kurt asked her as he laughed in his head.

"Are you kidding me?" she asked shocked, turning her head to him "We finished. Yesterday! I told you"

"Oh, yeah, sorry" he said "you know I've been a little out"

"Right" she said annoyed "But why?"

"Because" he started slowly "I'm thinking about we-finished-shooting party?"

Santana laughed "That's a good one"

"And that was my next question. Will you help me with the party?" she asked.

"Of course" he told not surprised at all, it wasn't the first time. Actually it could be said that their parties were kind of famous.

"It's not going to be anything big" she said as she pulled out her phone and checked something "this Friday? Just few people"

Kurt looked at her doubtfully.

"Really, Kurt" she laughed "cast wasn't this time very numerous"

"No newbies?"

"Oh, I can't say" she smiled.

"Come on"

"Kurt, you know the rules"

"I do, but I don't get why this time everything is so mysterious"

"It's just a project" she said "How will people react when they're not going to get anything. Except few spoilers, you know. They should get even more excited"

"Oh, I'm sure they won't" he smiled playfully

"I'm sure they will"

"Good" he said "Tell me how it is possible to hide new actors' names?"

"Most of them are beginners" she shrugged "people will know at the premiere or few days before"

"Too complicated"

"It's not, just think..."

"Too complicated to me" he said, and Santana looked for hidden meaning of that. There was one, but she didn't catch up.

"I don't understand" she said "You should get it after all this time with me"

"It's not my world" he shrugged it off "What about this party?"

Santana looked at him for a little while "At my apartment, I told you it's not going to be big"

"Oh, like last time?"

"It was fun"

"It was, but you still owe me shoes" he told seriously.

"You'll get some soon"

"Shopping?" he raised his eyebrow.

"Bigger" she said "But I'm not going to tell you anything now"

"You're ridiculous"

"You love me"

"I do" he said and he wanted to add something but their waiter came up. He smiled at Santana as he put cups on the table. Kurt looked at him curiously. Is he going to do what he was expecting him to do?

Yes.

He winked at her.

Kurt tried not to burst into laughter. Santana looked almost disgusted.

As soon as waiter went Kurt stopped biting his tongue and laughed loudly.

"It's not very funny" she said "I don't know what they are thinking"

"Oh, come on" he laughed "you can be favorite lesbian of all the United States but you're still very attractive, beautiful and _hot_ woman"

"Oh you say?"

"Like you didn't know, Satan"

Santana was 20 years old beautiful Latin woman. She had long, dark hair, perfect black eyebrows and sometimes she looked scary. Like Pocahontas. She was tall and slim, and you could see that she cared about herself. She had perfect make up, round nails and neat clothes.

"You know it's all so new for me" she said honestly, she started to care about her appearance maybe a year ago "and as I'm thinking now it's because of…"

"Brittany?" Kurt asked, but he actually knew the answer.

Santana nodded sadly. They were sitting in silence for a while. Kurt knew there was nothing he could say to her what would actually work.

"Are there any news?" he asked again, but he was sure she would tell him if she knew anything.

"No"

It was kind of weird to see her sad, it doesn't fit. But if you know her better, you would know that she had a lot tough time in her life. Kurt tried to smile at her.

"Satan, come on, it's going to be alright" he said but she stayed silent. Santana held her face in her hands and sighed. There's nothing more she could do.

"Better tell me about this guy you dated" she said.

"God, please no"  
"Kurt, I'm sorry but you have too" she smiled a bit, and he sighed because he knew he has to do if he want her to have better mood.

"It was a disaster" he said "I don't know where you are finding this all creepy men"

"I have my ways" she told "tell me about him"

"He was nice, but he had really stupid jokes" he said "he was joking like all the time, and every next one was worse than the previous. And he didn't really care that I wasn't laughing"

"You know, it's not that bad" she said slowly

"Do you think I am desperate?" he asked, but he knew he was. That's why he had been making out with this guy.

"No, I don't" she said, but she didn't know what to think, too. She really wanted him to be happy "we're going to try next time"

"There won't be any next time, honey" he said, but he was pretty hypocrite.

"We'll see" she shrugged "maybe on my party?"

"Satan, if you are going to invite someone for me on your party I am going to kill you" he said loudly "I'm sick of this, I'm emotionally exhausted, I'm sick of romance, it's just not gonna happen"

"Kurt"

"No, I have no love life, no career" he told "no future, no life. I can't learn how to live if you're gonna help me"

"Kurt"

"I have to do it on my own"  
"I know, Kurt, I'm sorry" she said reaching for his hand "I'm just worried"

"Don't be"

"It's not that easy" she smiled. He doesn't say a word "I will need your help with premiere outfit, Kurt"

"You know I'm helping you"

"I know, but maybe we can discuss it to make you happier?" Kurt smiled.

"Nice try"

"Thank you, I've been practicing"

"Then practice some bad words because waiter is staring at you" he said looking behind her.

She turned out "God" she said "Can we get the hell out of here?"

Kurt looked up at the waiter "Of course". He waved his hand at him and he quickly came.

"Can we have our receipt?" he asked.

"Of course" waiter said with big smile "I'll be here in a minute"

Santana was looking at her knees as long as he already left "Kill me"

"Come on"

"No, really"

"Satan"

"Kurt"

"There's your receipt" the waiter said and they both jumped a bit "and a little bonus from me" he handed her something. Santana looked at him seriously.

"Are you kidding me?"

"No"

"I'm gay" she growled "and I bet you know it"

"That's not a problem" he said with a smile, which Kurt could describe as disgusting.

"Hey, if you're interested in gays, what's kind of weird I'd say" he said and reached for receipt with a telephone number on it "then I would be honored to go out with you" Kurt smiled.

The waiter looked terrified "That's not what I…"

"Oh, I know exactly what you meant" Santana said tensed "And now freak off or I'm gonna make you buy him flowers" she closed her eyes and sighed loudly. How many more things like this have to happen to all men on the earth understand she wasn't interested. There was no waiter when she opened eyes. There was Kurt smiling at her.

"Freak off?"

"I'm trying not to curse" she said not smiling "Can we go now?"

"Yeah, sure" he said, left the money and stood up. They left quickly and they were going in silent for few minutes. Kurt's apartment was really close and that's why they came here very often. Kurt knew it's going to take him a while to cheer her up. It was hard to be a friend _and_ Brittany to her. He missed her too. He didn't know if he could handle it on his own.

"God, I just freakin' hate men" Santana said finally.

"I know, babe"

"I don't mean I hate them... I just want to throw up every time I see that stupid horny face" she winced and looked at him "I'm so glad you're my friend, Kurt"

"I know, Satan, you know I love you too"

"I love _the way you are a man_" she said after few seconds, that was a good thought "so different than these idiots"

"Oh, come on, I am sometimes more girly than you are" he said with a smile.

"That's true" she laughed "I can't get all this Broadway thing of yours"

"No one does" Kurt sighed.

Santana smiled warmly and hugged is arm "Maybe it's better? We're in LA!"

"You're bit more in LA than I am" he said silently. Santana looked at him, trying to comfort him. She understood him and even though it was hard to help him.

"I'm sure when you're reach your success it's gonna be twice bigger than mine"

Kurt didn't say anything to it. Santana felt a bit bad for him like every day. He was so great, but so neglected.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

"Good evening, Los Angeles. As you can see already we have a very special guest today" said the man sitting behind the table in the recording studio."Successful actress known for the role of Julie in famous movie _Fighting with shadow_, who amazed us all with her touching acting abilities and amazing voice" The audience went loud "Ladies and gentlemen, Santana Lopez!"

The audience burst into applause as Santana smiled and waved to the camera.

"How are you doing, Santana?" interviewer asked.

"Oh, I'm doing well" she said "I am very excited to be here again"

"I hope so" he smiled and turned to the camera "If you guys don't remember, we're here because the sequel of movie Santana had played in is releasing soon. _Fighting with shadow_ is famous on the whole world, it includes stars like our Hollywood sweetie Rachel Berry, Jesse St. James and of course Santana Lopez, whose character moved a lot of people. And that's one of reasons why we're getting the sequel" he smiled at her "Is it right?"

"Kind of" she said and everybody laughed "I mean – yeah. My character's name is Julie, she's best friend with main character – Georgia, who is very ambitious and very talented girl and dreams about music career. Julie didn't get a lot of screen time, but she had her problems, which made her plot kind of interesting"

"God, so much interesting!" interviewer said and audience happily agreed.

"Because of success of _Fighting with shadow_, we're getting a continuation and, happy for me, more Julie" she said.

"And happily for me, too!" said the interviewer, whose name was David "The main character Georgia is played by Rachel Berry, who you were here with, last time"

"Yes"

"It shows how big success you achieved" David said "You here alone, you are as big star as Rachel is"

Audience got excited. Santana seemed to be very touched "My god, I don't think it's true" she said, but audience seemed to think differently because they were screaming.

"They love you" David smiled.

"You're guys all amazing" she said. David smiled to her.

"So, when you're finally here for normally long interview, and no _loud berry_ will disturb us" he said and audience burst out laughing "we can talk about not movie, but you"

"Oh, okay"

"Are you surprised?" he said and there was another laughter.

"No" she smiled "bring it on".

"Okay, first question" he said "You are from Ohio, right?"

"Yeah" she said "it is always coming back to me"

"Oh, it's not that bad"

"It is" she said and audience burst out laughing.

"Jesse St. James is from Ohio, too" he said.

"Yes, but he doesn't behave like Ohio person"

"How does Ohio person behave?"

"Like me!" she said.

"I don't understand" interviewer said "I would say you're very LA"

"Oh, maybe now, but it was super depressing when I first got here" she said "Everybody is like _star_ here, and I was like this peasant"

"When you spend the most of your time with Rachel Berry and Jesse St. James – then yes" he said and Santana laughed.

"I have to agree with you" she said "they seemed crazy to me at the beginning, but now we're good friends"

"What kind of friend is Rachel Berry?"

"She is very good friend" she told "She happens to be loud, but generally she cares about everybody, what makes you feel special. That all belonging to this crew feels special"

"That sounds pretty amazing"

"It is kind of weird" she said "You know, generally it said that tv-series people are like family. I am after one movie, but I feel very connected with them all"

"Even Jesse St. James?" interviewer laughed.

"Generally him" she smiled "It's nice to have someone to complain about Ohio life"

"Was it _that_ bad?"

"Yes" she said "I moved just after high school, which was pretty tough for me"

"And why is that?" David asked "I would tell you're this popular girl type, I'm kind of scared of you"

"Nothing more wrong, David" she laughed "I was one of two openly gay students in my school. Very homophobic school" she added.

"You're kidding"

"No"

"You knew this other child?" he asked.

"Oh my, he's my best friend" she laughed "His name is Kurt, and he was my best friend almost since the first day of high school. We always stuck together, fought with bullies and no one understands me better than he does" she said and audience went "aww"

"He sounds pretty nice" he said.

"Oh, you have no idea" she smiled.

"What about Brittany?" David asked "Isn't she your high school sweetheart?"

"Yes, she is" she said "But we have met in my senior year. She transferred because she had to repeat her senior class" Santana smiled sadly "She was amazing. She was like lightning. She was beautiful, brave; she stood up bullies on the first day. That was love from the first sight"

The studio was silent for a few seconds as Santana's eyes went teary.

"She showed me that I was beautiful, that I _matter_. She showed me this better part of world, full of love and happiness. She was my shield, my hero. You have no idea how I miss her"

David looked at her sadly, turning to camera.

"To people who don't know" he said as picture of young blond beautiful girl showed behind him "Brittany S. Pierce is Santana's girlfriend, who is missing for a month. Any clues are desirable"

"Brittany, I love you, I miss you and I'm gonna find you" Santana said to the camera.

David looked at her sadly and added "If you know anything our number is on the screen, or you can just contact with police"

"And I think it's good moment for a break" he said "Ladies and gentlemen, Santana Lopez!"

"See you after a break"

"Hi, LA, welcome after a break. My today's guest is Santana Lopez" said David, Santana smiled, and audience burst into applause.

"So, Santana, believe me or not, but when I was in restroom my wife called me" he said "and told me I can't go back home if I don't ask you about music" everybody laughed.

"So what should I tell you?" Santana laughed.

"Anything" he said "Is _anything_ alright, Susan?"

Audience once again burst into laughter and applause, Santana laughed hard.

"Tell me just" he leaned to her "Why music?"

"Oh, that's Kurt" she smiled "_Music is Kurt_"

"I don't understand" he said.

"He really loves singing, so do I. He's the reason I started singing, and he's the reason I'm still doing it" she told.

"Tell me something more about it" he said and Santana were thinking a bit.

"He loves singing since I remember, he wanted to join glee club, but it was a bit complicated"

"Why is that?" David asked confused.

"You see, our school's glee club was very popular. It was full of cool guys, jocks, and bullies. It was like elite, and we were _like nothing_. So we didn't fit in, we haven't even tried. I don't even think the teacher was doing anything there. It was ruled by those cool kids"

"God, it seems awful" David said.

"It was" Santana smiled sadly "but Kurt was stubborn, he wanted to perform anyway. We generally sung to each other. Kurt was exacting, but it seems to cause good"

"So is Kurt also in music business?" he asked.

"No" she said sadly "he wasn't as lucky as I was"

"Or maybe not that pretty?" David laughed.

"Oh no, he's the hottest guy ever, believe me" she said and everybody burst out laughing.

"Then I can't wait to meet him" he said.

"Oh, you might have a chance" she said mysteriously.

"Oh, like a date?" he asked and studio once more time laughed.

"David!" she said "You're wife!"

"She already has her music"

"Come on" she laughed "But that's pretty exciting"

"It is" David said "Changing the subject, I heard you have a cat"

"Yeah, I'm big cat lover" she smiled "He's two months old, and he's ginger"

David laughed "What is his name?"

"Actually he doesn't have any yet" she said "we couldn't decide with Brittany, we were still searching. And now she's gone, and I'm going to wait for her with it"

David agreed mutely. He smiled "You too are very lovable"

"I told you, she's the best thing that ever happened to me" she said "with Kurt, of course"

He sighed and smiled to the camera "Young, pretty, in love, what more to want?"

Everybody laughed.

"Live your life, Santana" he smiled and Santana nodded "I am scared we will have end soon"

"Oh, that sucks" Santana said "I'm having so much fun"

"So do we" interviewer said "So I have few last questions, mostly about _Fighting with shadows_"

"Bring it on"

"I heard there's gonna be some heart problems" he said.

"Oh my gosh, I don't know how much I can tell" she laughed "yes, Georgia will have some problems with James, so be scared"

"And what about Julie?" he asked "I heard she will maybe have some love interest?"

"I can't tell" she said "but yes"

"Oh my god, my heart" David said and everybody laughed "please tell me there will be some flirty duets"

"Maybe"

"I can die now" he said "Ladies and gentlemen, on Autumn this year go to the movies on sequel of _Fighting with shadow_ to see Santana Lopez, Rachel Berry and others, and listen to their magical voices. It's a lot to wait for. You're gonna love it!"

"Thank you, Santana" he said "it was pleasure to have you here"

"Thank _you_" she said as she stood up "I was honored to be here on my own"

"Ladies and gentlemen, Santana Lopez!" he said and he took her hand smiling to her. The audience was clapping.

Kurt was lying alone in the bed looking at moonlight on sheets beside him. Is he going to be forever alone? He raised his hand and put it on lighter side of the bed, but he felt only coldness. How much time left since he kissed somebody with emotions? How much time since he felt this stupid pain in his stupid chest? After a while he closed his eyes slowly and imagined warm lips kissing his lips, soft short beard rubbing his cheek, heaviness pressing his body to the mattress and hands on his back. He turned a little and his closed eyes found this annoying moonlight, he squinted and then opened them to stand face to face with reality. Yes, he was lying alone on queen size bed, feeling lonely, looking like moon mocked with him showing painfully empty place beside him.

Kurt turned away from light and coldness. Looking into darkness he was thinking about love, which wasn't there.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Kurt was preparing a meal while looking at Santana who was talking on her phone. They were at her apartment, but it wasn't strange at all that he was doing it. He was a better cook and Santana loved when he cooked for her. She wasn't very good at it.

He used to live here, but they hadn't been living together since the first month after they and Brittany moved to LA and Kurt realized he was unwanted here. Brittany and Santana would never say that to him, but he understood it. He didn't want to bother them, their dreams to be and live together forever. As soon as he found an apartment, which wasn't so expensive, he moved.

Now, when Brittany was gone they started to spend a lot of time together again, generally in her apartment. She didn't like to be here alone.

Kurt slept that day at her place, because she had had tough night. He didn't mind it, he liked this apartment. Well, he didn't like to be alone either.

Santana looked very upset, as he was watching her.

"Are you kidding me, Rachel?" she asked "You're doing it again! You promised me this time you're  
gonna be there!"  
"Oh gosh, I hate you so much"  
"I know"  
"He's ok"  
"Yes, he's gonna be there"  
"It's only your fault"  
"I don't know yet"  
"But I think he's gonna go"  
"Ok"  
"So have nice holidays"  
"And say hi to Blaine"  
"See you" she laughed and put her phone away.

She looked very exhausted. She closed her eyes and sighed. Kurt was looking at her worried.

"Kill me, Kurt" she said finally, but he didn't answer "I'm serious, it's gonna be a disaster"

"No, it's not"

"Come on, I know it" she moaned.

"We just need to buy more alcohol" he shrugged, and she laughed, straightening on the couch.

"And you're trying to tell me that you don't have a problem?" she smiled at him.

"I don't have any" he looked at her and then quickly coming back to cooking.

"Of course" she said and laughed.

"Satan"

"I'm sorry" she laughed "No drinking problem"

Kurt looked at her but he didn't say anything. _Well, he might have_ some drinking problem. But he would never tell so. He just liked to drink sometimes. That's not the problem. He finished what he was doing, put food on the plates and went to sit beside Santana, who happily took her meal. She loved it, _not cooking_.

"So why she's not coming?" he asked. He wasn't surprised Santana was mad. Rachel hasn't appeared on the first party after first part of the movie, too. He barely knew her, but he knew Santana cared about her.

"She's leaving on some holidays with Blaine" she said.

"Blaine?"

"Oh, you don't know him" she smiled.

"New boyfriend?" he asked. It wouldn't be a surprise; Rachel had some serious heart problems. At least he could say that, after those hours Santana was talking about it. He knew that she generally was with Jesse St. James, but there were always some problems. He didn't understand how it even worked. They were both like _stars_. Like real one, very talented, that much that they were quite conceited. He actually could imagine them fighting about who's the bigger star.

Santana laughed, but she didn't answer. It was generally fun listening about her friends on set, but it was quite depressing he hadn't any different friend than Santana. Well, he worked in a bookstore, but he didn't actually like his coworkers, and his boss was an asshole. He was living on his friend's happiness, he didn't even know what would have happened if he started caring about this all. He quite tried to ignore his problems. But they were always coming back.

They eat in silence. He noted Santana wasn't smiling anymore. She was thinking about something hard.

"Kurt, I need to ask you about something" she said finally, put her plate away. He looked at her and she sighed "Would you go with me on the premiere?"

"No" he said quickly. She wasn't surprised, but it was important. He put a big piece of food into his mouth so he didn't have to answer.

"Kurt, please" he didn't say anything. _Ignore the problem_ "I'm begging you, Kurt" she said feeling very bad.

"Satan, you know you're not gonna make me go there" he said faintly.

"I know you don't like this idea..." she started looking for words "but you should change your opinion about it someday. You should"

"Santana, I'm not gonna feel there okay, you know that. It's not my world"

"It is!" she said "You always wanted it"

"I did, but I wanted to be a part of it. I don't belong… I'm unwanted there"

"No, you're not" Santana said "I want you, you're my friend and I want you to be there"

"You know I can't do it, it's gonna be depressing" he said. There's nothing more depressing than showing him he's failure by putting him into crowd of famous people.

"No, it's gonna be fun, I promise"

"You know that's not what I am talking about" he said silently "Santana, you ask a lot of me"

Santana looked at him sadly, she knew that. She really did. But she needed it, and she felt Kurt might need it too.

"I would take Brittany, as I did the first time, if not…"

"I know"

"It's would be nice to have somebody close while she's not there with me" she said sadly.

"You have Rachel and Lara…" he said, but he already knew he lost it.

"But you're my best friend" she moaned, desperately.

"You're taking me on pity" he said softly.

"Will you make it for me?" she asked and Kurt didn't look at her. It was hard for him to make this decision; there were so many things why he didn't want to do it. But there was no Brittany who would help him. He was a friend and I had to help, sometimes friendship asks a lot of you and you know there's only one right answer. Kurt sighed hard.

"Yes" he said and immediately felt like he took up something very hard "I'm going with you"

"Thank you" Santana said, but not that cheerfully. She was back in her _Brittany is gone _state. He hugged her and they stayed in silence.

Kurt couldn't imagine coming back to an empty home and leaving her here alone. It was hard to be friend sometimes.

"Oh, hey guys" Santana smiled "Come in"

Tall blond girl and smiling redhead came into the apartment and both of them kissed Santana's cheeks.

"Kurt is in the living room. I'll be right back" she said and girls entered the room where Kurt was sitting on the couch. Almost every girl would say he was hot. He was tall and slim, almost skinny. He had pale skin, perfectly clear and smooth face. There was _a lot of_ his hair, but it was perfectly styled. He wasn't sexy in way bad boys are, he was more like _beautiful_.

His eyes smiled when he saw them. "Lara" he yelled, stood up and hugged the taller girl "It's so nice to see you"

"You too" she said "Looking good"

Kurt laughed and turned to redhead girl.

"Hi, Kurt"

"Hi, Veronica, how are you doing?" he smiled and hugged her as well.

"I'm doing well, it's nice to relax after this hard work" she said sitting on the couch "And it's everything her fault" she pointed at blond girl. Kurt laughed.

"Yes, I heard she is very exacting" he smiled to Lara.

"I am, but you'll see it's gonna be perfect" she shrugged. Lara was young, only 26, but she was successful director. She was the creator of _Fighting with shadow_, and was known as hardworking. But people liked her, she was popular and beautiful, and Kurt envied her, just as like he did with every person who achieved something. And what was funny, there was a lot of people like that around him.

Veronica was one of the actresses, whose role wasn't that big, but she was the most optimistic and fun person he knew.

"How is life, Kurt? I heard you're writing a book?" Veronica asked.

"Oh, don't even ask" she sighed "Everything sucks as always" he smiled.

"Stop, it's not that bad for sure" she smiled, and he wanted to hug her. Everybody believed in him so much.

"You'd better tell me how is work going" he said.

"It's not bad, I auditioned for new role and I think I'm gonna get it" she smiled. He wasn't surprised, she was very talented.

"Congratulations!" she said "God, I wish it was so simple for me"

"What?"

"Auditioning, you know" he said but they looked at him not understanding "My voice is _strange_. It's unusual, my face is strange, and they don't usually look for people like me"

"That's bullshit" Lara said "Have you even tried?"

"Yes, first whole year when we moved" he smiled sadly.

"Oh, that's sucks" Veronica said "But you should try again"

"Totally" Lara agreed.

"But he already gave up on his life" Santana said as she entered the room "Aren't you, Kurt?"

"Oh, shut up" he said and they laughed.

"Will anybody help me with dishes?" Santana asked and Kurt stood up and went to the kitchen. He came back with plates full of food he had prepared. _Maybe it's not gonna be that bad?_

He jumped a little when the doorbell rang again. He moved to the door and opened it. He stood surprised.

"Sugar Motta" he gasped.

"Totally" said the girl dressed in big furry thing, tons of jewelry and something what could be a hat. Kurt blinked surprised; he didn't expect somebody that famous here. Well, he had famous friends, but come on. Everybody knew Sugar Motta. Most of them just because she was so badly rich. And pink. And well, _rich_. She was looking at him strangely "And who are you?"

"I- Kurt. My name is Kurt" he said, and she grinned and walked pass him didn't looking back.

"Thanks god" he heard. He turned surprised to find out another person was standing in the door "I was riding with her, and it's enough for me. Hi, buddy" said Jesse St. James as he put his hand on Kurt's arm.

"Jesse" he said still surprised "Sugar Motta is on the movie?"

"Well, I think everybody wish she wasn't" he said "There's no person like her, buddy, believe me"

"I see" Kurt said closing the door "How is life Jesse?"

"Incredible, like always" he smiled "Well, it would be better if Rachel didn't leave me here alone"

Kurt smiled, he didn't know how to answer it, he really didn't understand their problems. He didn't understand Rachel, too. Come on, Jesse _was hot_. Like really hot. He was tall, well-built, he had dark blond curls and amazing smile. He was one of the people of crew he knew the best. Santana always said that they, Ohio people, should stick together. Jesse didn't like them to remind him he's from Ohio, but he liked to spend time with them. He was friendly and always nice to Kurt, what made him have a little crush on him. Because after hard time in high school, he had crush on every guy who was nice to him.

When they entered living room, Sugar was going on and on about some designer. Kurt couldn't believe he met somebody louder than Rachel Berry.

"Jesse!" Santana yelled, and jumped to hug him "It's so nice to see you"

"You too, honey" he smiled and then greeted with other people. Sugar seemed to be mad that everybody stopped listening to her.

It was quite nice to know show business from this other side. From this site were people were normal, cool guys, you can drink with or talk about heart problems. This side where Kurt didn't feel worse than them, he didn't feel bad they had made something what had been his dream forever. Just normal friends.

The doorbell rang again.

"I bet it's Charlie" said Santana "Kurt, bring some alcohol"

"Here you go"

Kurt woke up lying in Santana's bed. His mouth was dry, but there was no headache. He didn't know if he should be happy about that. He drank too often to have a headache. He turned his back, he was in bed alone. Then it wasn't that bad.

He started thinking about what happened last night. They had got drunk, oh what a surprise. Sugar Motta had been flirting with him. He smiled, that was weird. He had been flirting with Jesse. Wait, that wasn't ok. Charlie had been making out with Veronica, Katie had had a breakdown.

Nothing new. He couldn't believe how boring his life was. He was living around the stars, and it was boring.

He had had tough time through high school, he hadn't have time to be adventurous. Then he had moved to LA, there had been parties, boys and alcohol. He had fun, he had some shitty relationships, he was drinking too much. All this time the feeling of being neglected was coming back to him.

He didn't understand. He didn't have an adventure in his life. That was it. He wanted to feel something different from sadness, or failure. He wanted to feel ecstasy, to be young and crazy. It was funny he didn't feel it after this all living with Santana. Well, he guessed he was looking for something different. All he wanted was something unexpected to happen.

He didn't really believe in it as he turned on the bed, after insane party, which left him surprisingly _thirsty_.

* * *

i have more, but i am not publishing it yet, because i don't know if anybody would like to? If you do, leave a sign somehow


	4. Chapter 4

the best one so far, i think, and here you are - Blaine.

* * *

CHAPTER 4

"Good evening Los Angeles! We have very special guest today. There's nobody in this city who doesn't know her. Our LA sweetie came to tell us something about the movie she played in. Yes, guys, we made it. Premiere of sequel of _Fighting with Shadow _is in one week, and Rachel Berry herself is here to clear the mess they made"

"Mess? Really David?"

"Rachel promised to tell us something about upcoming premiere, because she and young director Lara Fross decided quoting: It will be cool if we don't tell them anything"

"It wasn't this way, David!"

"So as we all dying here, they finally agreed, one week before premiere, to let us know what we should expect"

"You're a bad person, David"

"Ladies and gentlemen" he said "Miss Rachel Berry!"

Young girl with long brown hair smiled to the camera. It wasn't so simple to say she was beautiful, there were many people who wouldn't say that. It was a problem of hers, but even though she said this business made her feel pretty.

You could say she was self-conceited by the way she dressed and behaved. She had beautiful dress with very deep décolletage.

"Hi, guys, to be clear, everything he said before was lie" she said seriously

"No it wasn't" David laughed "How are you, Rachel?"

"I'm great, thank you" she smiled "I'm very excited about the premiere"

"So do we" he said "Then tell us some dirty secrets"

"Really, David?" she raised her eyebrow "Okay, what should I start with?"

"Tell us about new cast members"

"Okay" she was thinking for few seconds "So there's Sugar Motta, who plays Victoria girl in the movie. There's Blaine Anderson aka Caden Cremer, there's Xavier Coleman aka sexy as hell aka Matt Wiser"

"Santana comes back aka Julie, me aka Georgia, Jesse aka James. There will be no Kate and Charlie this time"

"There's a lot information up here" David said "So in conclusion, Georgia is back with her boyfriend James. There will be new hot man" he checked "Matt, who will be flirting with her, am I right?"

"Yes"

"Santana Lopez who played Julie is back and she gets love interest, who is…"

"Caden Cremer played by Blaine Anderson"

"I don't know him"

"He's new but pretty great" she smiled.

"Katie who played Raven and Charlie, whose character was Jamie aren't coming back"

"Yes" she said "There's new bad character Victoria, portrayed by quite famous Sugar Motta"

"And that's cool"

"Yeah, she's pleasure to work with" she said but winced her nose.

"And this Xavier?"

"He's awesome" she agreed happily "and hot, I couldn't imagine better love interest for Georgia. He's fun and super talented"

"Should James be scared?"

"Totally"

"What about Julie and this new one – Caden?"

"This is the sweetest thing ever" she smiled "but I can't tell a lot about it"

"So tell me about this actor" he checked "Blaine"

"Oh, he's the best" she said "And he's very interesting, you should ask him about his life. I would listen to it forever"

"Oh you say?"

"Yes! I just love him!" she said loudly "I just love everybody!"

The audience burst into laughter because they knew it was true. David smiled and turned to the camera.

"So that's the short announcement from _FWS_ cast. Go to the movies on November 18th to see this pretty young lady and her friends, who she loves" David said and Rachel laughed "And after a break we'll see with Jason Mraz, and we'll talk about his new album"

"See you in the movies!" she shouted waving her both hands "It will be fun, I promise!"

"Are you nervous?"

"A bit" he said as he closed his eyes a little, he felt pretty bad. He felt his legs wouldn't listen to him if he stood up "A lot"

Santana was worried, and she didn't know what to do "Do you want something to drink?"

"No, I'm gonna do it without alcohol" he said but he wasn't that sure "You were the one who told me I have a drinking problem"

"Yes, but…"

"No, stop it" he said and straightened up "It's gonna be ok"

Santana didn't say anything, she felt pretty bad she made him go here with her. Kurt looked around at limo they were driving in. They would go with Santana's car but she wanted to make this evening even more amazing for Kurt. Limo looked as expensive, as it should. Red leather and dark wood looked good with Kurt's suit. He watched every part of his outfit again, but everything looked alright so he hadn't anything to think about. His nervous eyes found the bar. He wanted to drink. He didn't know if it was because of nerves or he just wanted to celebrate, but he was sure he's gonna feel even worse. He would lose it. He would give up.

He will have time to celebrate. Now he has to do it alone, without insensibilization. Fully conscious.

He was scared he is not going to belong there. With this all famous, attractive actors. Who was he?

And that was his biggest problem. Why is he driving this limo. He didn't deserve it. Who was hein comparison to these all stars? They said stars are also people _like everybody_. But they made something, they achieved something what made them deserve all this popularity and the fans. They were on top because they were good. They were working hard, and people appreciated it. And what did Kurt make? Nothing. He did nothing and he felt bad about walking in around them and their hard work with _nothing_ to offer.

He wanted have something to offer. He wanted to work, to deserve, but he didn't know how. He tried, but he hadn't anything to shine with. He dreamt about shining, about being famous. But not known from being a friend to Santana Lopez. He couldn't imagine walking off this car and standing equally with all these people. That he's gonna be photographed by the same paparazzi and maybe he's gonna appear in the same magazines. Santana, Rachel, Jesse and everybody else – they will be shining. He will be too. He will be shining with reflexed light. _Re-shine_.

Santana gave him this re-shine when she first told in media about him. But the thing he only wanted was - to be like her. Now he's just like parasite absorbing her popularity and her light. He didn't want to exploit it.

He felt freaking bad with it. Once again his eyes landed on bar, but he closed them. _I can make it I can make it I can make it_– he repeated in his mind.

When in few minutes he opened his eyes he realized Santana was looking at him. He was sure she knew. Maybe she didn't understand all the reasons, but she knew. With no words she moved closer and hugged him.

The truth was she didn't know what to say. She had no idea which words would make him feel better. She hadn't expected she would have to comfort him. Kurt had some problem and she couldn't help him. Well, she didn't even know exactly what the problem was. She felt bad how hard she had been making him to go. She made him feel uncomfortable. Everything she was thinking at that moment was what to do to make him feel good, and enjoy the evening. She wanted to reward his stress and worries.

Kurt thought about the same. How could he be so ungrateful, being so moody in so important evening? She wanted to make everything nice to him and he was depressing having this awful mood.

"You want to talk about it?" Santana asked.

"No, it's okay"

"Tell me what's going on, Kurt"

"It's complicated, Satan" he said and Santana winced "I'm just stressed"

"Are you stressed about something particular?" it wasn't in her style to pressure like that, but he generally doesn't hide from her.

"It's not anything I wouldn't deal with on my own" he shrugged it off and Santana felt bad. It was bad even looking at him. She didn't want to think he had to deal with it on his own. But she knew she had to let it go sometimes. She hugged him stronger.

"Try to keep away from paparazzi. You can pose to pictures how much you'd like, but never with people you don't know. I'm not gonna leave you alone, except if you would like to have fun with somebody else. But that's only if you'll have my permission. You have no idea what kind of people are in this business" she smiled "And I beg you, no weed. Just alcohol"

He looked at her with small smile.

"If you get drunk, try not to show it to photographers. Go to the restroom every hour to check how you look. Don't keep yourself away from the crew, they're really great. And you have to tell everybody that you loved the movie. And, of course, you have to tell Rachel she has amazing voice. Or incredible, or something even more complimentary" he looked at her surprised "I know you had said it before, but she requires it from everybody at least once a week. Really. No sex in toilets, no gossips about stars with other stars"

"Do you think I'm gonna remember it?" he asked with smile, but she made it – she made him feel better.

She shrugged "And don't drink too much"

"It's not funny" he winced.

"You want to have new friends, don't drink" she smiled. She kept talking until chauffeur told they're almost there.

Kurt momentaly felt bad. He regretted not bringing phone; he would be calmer if he knew he can call for taxi anytime.

"How do I look?" Santana asked.

"Incredible" he said smiling. It was true; she looked amazing in her long pale pink dress "What about me?"

Santana looked at him for few seconds "I think you look hot and I think they're gonna love you"

Kurt smiled at her and watched his reflection in the dark window.

"We will be there in a minute" he heard.

He looked good. But there was something in his face, he didn't know if it looked wrong or it was his expression, what made him different from those all beautiful actors and actresses. He didn't look like star.

"I'm not one of you" he said quietly.

"Just smile, you're gonna shine as bright as all of them"

Kurt opened the door from the other side and got out of the car. He breathed hard. He knew that with the second he walk around the car everybody will be watching him. There will be nowhere to hide. Santana was waiting for him, so he made tottering step, and then another. He stepped on the red carpet, and it took his breath away. It was so bright; fleshes were going on and on. It was loud, everybody was screaming. And it was super stressful. They were watching him. They all were thinking about him. They were wondering who the hell was that. He could almost hear it.

And then, all of sudden, he felt like an actor, like a dancer. Like he was performing. He moved his feet, which felt very heavy and walked to the car. He cared about every move he made, because he felt like all these people are staring. Like it was a movie and everybody was curious what was going to happen next. He smiled because he was interested if it's gonna do something. They screamed at him, and he was slowly relaxing.

He opened the door, and saw Santana was smiling at him. He took her hand and she slowly got out off car. He didn't see people and fans, but he heard them. They started screaming as hell, yelling out Santana's name. He looked at them, they went crazy.

He moved his head back to Santana. And he gasped. That was a different person.

She was glowing, smiling beautifully. She raised her hand and waved at fans, and it was like storm. Hurricane of screaming and squeals surrounded him. He couldn't believe his eyes. She matched red carpet like every single part of his outfit matched together. It felt like it was her home. She's back at her home, where she's loved, missed and wanted. This is her world and you couldn't find any better place for her.

She took his arm, smiled at him like saying _oh my god isn't it amazing? _She wanted to share her happiness with him.

"Smile" she whispered "And try to look like million bucks"

It was easier than he expected. He realized that people were going crazy about him, too. Santana Lopez held his arm. He was sure they were thinking W_ho the hell is he? Why is she holding him? OMG I wanna be you._

He didn't want to, but he felt a bit conceited. Like hey, he were there, on the red carpet, like he always wanted to. _I'm here, like I was famous_ he thought_ I am gonna make it, it's gonna be my home, too, I am gonna be on top one day._

He couldn't stop looking at his friend. She was so happy, with big smile, which he was sure, wasn't only for photographers. She was living her life, she was enjoying every single person who was screaming at her. She tried gave everybody a second. A smile, a look. She gave so much happiness not doing anything big. For Kurt it was amazing, she could make so much. And she couldn't be happier right now.

They went to give some autographs, and Kurt enjoyed how people reacted on Santana. They were so happy. With surprise he realized they were staring at him too. Not only with curiousness, but with admiration. They thought he made something, and that's why he's on the red carpet. That was wrong, but he liked it. He liked being in attention.

She was watching Santana as she was giving happiness to girl by signing her shirt, when somebody touched him on the arm.

"What have you done to interest Santana Lopez?" he saw a teenage girl who wasn't even looking at him, she was staring at Santana. He knew what she meant.

"We're friends" he said, and girl looked at him.

"How it's like to have _star_ as a friend? I bet it's amazing"

"It's not about she's a star, she's wonderful person and that's why I love her" he said.

"And it doesn't bother you that she's famous?"

"Not at all" he said, because it doesn't in the way she meant. Was he jealous? Yes.

"And you? Are you an actor?"

"No" he said "Just a partner. Actually I am like you all"

Girl looked at him "Yeah, but we're here, and you" she pointed on the fleshes of cameras "are there"

Kurt's heart stopped, all the feelings were back to him.

"I don't see so much difference" he muttered, but girl wasn't even looking at him. Her eyes were on Santana, he didn't even know if she remembered about him.

"God, my heart hurts when I look at her" she sighed "And I have this pain in my chest, but this good one"

"I see" he smiled. He looked at Santana, and thought that he would like to affect people as she did. It clicked in his mind.

"Santana" he said, and she looked at him "I made a new friend while you were busy, and I don't think you signed her anything yet"

The girl looked at him surprised, Santana smiled, and moved to them.

"What's your name, sweetie?" she asked, and the girl was shaking.

"Debbie" Kurt was shocked she could say that, she looked terrified.

Santana signed her a paper, she didn't even own. Somebody gave it to her. Kurt enjoyed watching this scene. He could give happiness, too.

As they walked away, Kurt was watching another people on the carpet and wondering if they all were like that. Like Santana. Like he would like to be.

When they stopped on the carpet to pose to few more pictures he heard that screaming went louder again. There was another famous person coming. He didn't show that he was interested, he was just standing, smiling and posing. Looking around he was learning how to behave, what to do. Concentrate, posing to many photographers at one time. All the time holding his partner, not stopping to smile. Be beautiful and proud. But not too proud, he actually didn't make anything what would let him be conceited.

They were posing for some big photographer with big camera, when he heard somebody yelling.

"Santana!" Kurt turned to the voice and saw really hot man, who was coming. Kurt surprised realized that he was quite short, but that face, that perfectly stylized curled hair, and those eyes completely made it better. He was smiling widely, and wrinkles around his eyes went deep. He wanted to tell him it's gonna be bad for his skin, _but god_, this smile. "I wasn't expecting you here" he joked as he hugged Santana. Then he quickly and fluently turned and posed to the picture with them both.

"And what beauty are you hiding here from me?" he smiled, and Santana laughed. He moved to hug her partner "You must be Kurt" he said.

Kurt wondered if every actor is that affectionate as he hugged him "Exactly"

"My name is Blaine" he said as he let him go. In Kurt mind clicked. _Blaine Anderson_ "It's nice to meet you, Kurt"

"You too" he smiled.

They were posing for a little while, and then Blaine apologized and went to the fans. Kurt turned and saw they were reacting as loud as at Santana.

"What do you think?" she asked.

"He seems nice" he said and Santana laughed.

"Oh, there's Joan" she said and turned to one of the reporters "If you have to answer some question, do it with her, she's the best"

"As long as I don't have to answer any question we can go there"

They walked a quite while, coming by a lot of celebrities. Santana was greeting with a lot of them. Kurt knew some, mostly from television, some from numerous Santana's parties. She promised him to introduce him to everybody later. He was a bit embarrassed how Santana wanted everybody to know him. She was _showing _him, like he was something she was proud of.

"Joan!" she yelled, and short, nice looking woman turned to them "How it's going?"

"I am here for questions" she said and everybody laughed. Joan discretely turned on her Dictaphone "Santana, I wasn't expecting you bringing someone here. Who is that?" she asked smiling at Kurt.

"That's Kurt Hummel, my very best friend" she said "He is with me since the first movie, and finally I managed to bring him here"

"That's very interesting" she said "Why haven't you cought up an occasion and appear somewhere earlier with Santana, Kurt?"

"It's not really my world, you know" he shrugged "I'm here to support her. I make it every day, sometimes by afar, but I'm always happy with her success. Today I'm here only to stand and show how proud I am about what she achieved" he smiled "Personally I'm a bit lost over here"

"But I support him" Santana added with a smile.

"I'm sure" she laughed "Aren't you scared that somebody will steal him from you? He's quite a nice guy"

"Oh, I'm not gonna let anyone close enough" she laughed "I'm sorry, Kurt"

"No problem, I'm hopeless" he said and Joan laughed.

"So, changing subject to _Fighting with shadow_, Rachel Berry said your character will have love interest"

"Yeah, this cute guy over there" she pointed behind them "Is new Julie's cutie. Make interview with him, you're not gonna regret it"

"Oh, sure" Joan said "How was work with all these newbies?"

"A lot of them are very beginners, what doesn't make their talent and determination any less amazing. It was wonderful work, and even if now they aren't so well known, I'm sure this night they will get out from this theatre like the real stars. People are gonna love them. Full cast is known for few days and you see how fans react. I knew it's going to be this way"

"And old friends? Rachel Berry?"

"She is still shining with her still amazing, undeniable talent. Rachel most of her fame owe to these movies, and these movies owe it to her. She's why we're so successful, so we're all gonna thankful for her forever"

"In this part your role is so much bigger"

"Yes, and I am very happy and grateful, Lara trusts me so much to give me more screen time"

"Your role is progressing all the time" Joan said "How have you and Julie changed from the first part?"

"We've changed _a lot_. If you ask me I would say we're very different from each other, but fans who watched Julie's transformation would say a lot about me. I feel like I developed because of this role. I am braver, more open and sociable. And Julie? Julie will always be old, fun Julie, but you can see time had some influence on her. Life experiences make her a bit more serious"

"Are there people who noticed your transformation?"

"Yes – family, Kurt, friends and even fans who observed us from the beginning. The change is huge, you can't miss it. My family noticed that I am more independent, what they generally don't like. Kurt would be with me even If I was completely idiot. And the others? I think they're for improving"

"Do you think you would take the top from Rachel Berry?"

"Never!" she told loudly "I can be good, but _she's the star_. I wouldn't even want to, it's like trying to be better than older sister"

"Don't you think people get bored? She's still the same Georgia, her character doesn't change that much"

"Not everybody needs changes. She's the same but still unique. People loved her and I don't think it's gonna change"

"Ok then" she said "So what after this movie? Preparing for the other part?"

Santana laughed "I know you want to know if it's gonna be another part, but I can't tell you. Generally I would like to relax, and concentrate on finding Brittany"

"Well, I think that's everything" Joan said "Thank you, Santana, and thank you, Kurt. Have fun!"

They thanked and left, going after other actors. They stopped once more but questions were quite the same.

"No, I can't say"

"Rachel Berry will _always_ be on top"

"No, I don't know if there's gonna be next part"

"You'll be surprised, this part is awesome!"

And over and over again. Kurt didn't know how much time they spend there, but it was unnaturally long.

"Why everybody is talking this way about Rachel?" he asked.

"She's on the top for a long time" she shrugged "Maybe that's true some people are bored. She's not the scandal person, just talent. And the first one will always mean more in this world. I don't know what they want to achieve. Or rise her even higher, or, what's more likely throw her off from the hill she made by herself. People are mean"

"Very"

"Oh, look, speaking devil" she said looking at the short woman in front of them. Kurt was seeing only her back in red dress and long brown hair "Rachel, honey!" she turned to them smiling.

"Santana!" she yelled "Oh my god, Kurt, I haven't seen you in years!" she hugged him, and then Santana.

"Yeah, Santana, you should make more parties, because Rachel and I barely see each other" he joked.

"Oh, you would, if she actually goes at these parties" Santana raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, stop it, Santana, I am very busy person" Rachel smiled "Are you having fun, Kurt?"

"Yes" he said surprised, it was true "But it's very exhausting"

"Oh you have no idea" she smiled.

"Hey, Berry, get your famous ass here!" somebody yelled from afar, Kurt raised his eyebrow and Rachel rolled her eyes.

"Sorry" she said "see you guys later"

Kurt turned looking at her and with surprise he realized that they haven't moved so much. But it was nice seeing that cars weren't coming and there were like three people behind them. Santana looked on what he was staring.

"Yes, we're almost finished" Kurt sighed. For a few minutes they were posing with people Kurt knew from the first movie and then he saw big door and a lot of people around them.

"Last pictures" Santana pointed at them "And then we're having peace"

Kurt didn't understand how in this kind of life you can even have peace.


End file.
